Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Today...it's the truth!

This morning Isaac says.
"This is a awesome day!"
I said "Why?"
He said "Because all the stuff on the ground is like in Star Wars so glittery."
...not really sure what he was talking about...Star Wars and glitter?

That was the start of my day. It was Good!!!!

I sit here now, the house is quiet, everyone off to school and Beckam to bed. I think, what shall I do? I've wanted it just like this...Quiet. So many thoughts run thru my head. I should clean the house, work on my business, go find someone to serve, pay bills, go to the grocery store, maybe just maybe, I could go to the mall. But I don't do any of it. Instead I find something to watch...now I'm resting.
It's about 2:15 someone pulls up to the house. I look out the window only to reminded that they are here to shut off my water crap, I thought I had til the 27th. I grab the notice off of the door, it says, "if you can make payment by 3:00 we can turn your water back on. I get dressed, wake Beckam up and run to go pay my bill. I get to Pleasant Grove City and they tell me that this notice is not from them. I'm confused. They say you need to pay Cedar Hills. I then say, I've never paid a bill to Cedar Hills...soon to find out what happens when I've never paid Cedar Hills. I'm off to Cedar Hills to settle the bill, barely make it in time. The guy at the desk tells me my balance is $1,877.00. I about had a heart attack. What! Can you say that again (as I'm laughing)? I'm thinking he's telling me the wrong balance...no, he's not, that is our freaking balance we owe. Yeah, I wanted to cry. So,now its time to move on to talk to someone else about my bill.
Now, Dax and I trying to get it all figured out. It looks like my bill was going to the landlord and he just put it in the garbage or something...I don't know what he did. He was even getting notices about our shutoff. Oh, and the reason why the confusion because Cedar Hills and Pleasant Grove, in my area, haven't been able to split up until now and since I was paying my culinary water they couldn't shut me off until now.
Dax sets me up on a payment plan and says I can pay over 6 months and comes to about $260 a month, that's when I cried, not too much just small tears. Sometimes I can't hold it in. I think he felt bad and said I can make the plan for 12 months which now comes to $127 a month...doable but in our case still not so much.
2 1/2 hours later I'm home with another bill to add to the stack. I know there could be worse things to worry about. My child being sick or my husband but I don't need to go off of what could be happening but instead I'm worrying about where we will get money to pay the next bill or how I can get food on the table for dinner (mind you we have food...storage food, but its nice to eat something yummy). We've eaten a lot pasta and rice and tonight I was tired of of being creative and popped some popcorn and had some toast with butter. The kids love toast with butter.
I keep thinking that I shouldn't worry so much about it, it will all work itself out. But its been almost 3 years. The part I'm worried most about is my faith. I keep thinking why would God have this go on for so long. Its enough. I feel like I've learned a lot but it seems its not enough.
I feel like I'm living in the deep depression and everyone around me is living in some other world. Many times I wake up positive, like this morning and then I'm bombarded with, can you buy this can you pay for this...need lunch money, no gas in my car, the garage door breaks, the dish washer is broken...blah, blah, blah. So, I'd like to think I was pretty positive 2 years ago. Thinking we will make it thru this. Greg and I have had our moments fighting, frustration, and then pulling together. I'd like to say we've done a pretty good job together.
Where am I at? I'm numb. I have anxiety about how to pay for things? I HATE it.
And to get myself out of this state I've thought of SERVICE because that's what the prophets have told us to do. I'm kind of stumped on how to do that. It seems nobody needs service because everyone else is trying to find someone to serve as well...the end.

No comments: