Presidents Cup

Bryn headed off to St. George with her coach and their family this weekend. They were kind enough to take her down since we didn't have the means to do so but I think, Bryn was secretly happy about that. It meant party time with out us. She planned for this event 2 months in advance from writing her packing list to getting out the suitcase. She also worked a lot to earn money to take with her. She couldn't wait to go.
They lost the first game 6-0
The second game was 2-0
They won the last game 2-1
You see the progression each game they played and got better. 
If they would have played down in the silver division they would have done really well I think, and  it would have still been competitive but they were place in the gold division. That's okay it sounds like they all had a blast.

Valentine's Day

I don't think that Greg and I have ever gone out on Valentines Day...because we both think its overrated but this time we spent the night with Matt Townsend and Peter Breinholt. It was a lot of fun! I enjoy listening to Matt make fun of  men and women in a relationship and all the stupid little things we do to each other.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

In all it was a good day. Many little gifts from the kids and expressions of Happy Birthday all around.
But I'm writing this entry a week late. From what I remember the day started out not so well and then it was good and then we came home and then the drama...more drama to me it seemed a day of selfishness...from the kids standpoint they're needs were not met. But as look back I had an expectation of "lets take care of mom day" and when it didn't happen the tables where turned, weird how it works out that way.

My cake made by the girls. So yummy!!!!

Friday

Its 9:00 pm and I've already put Beckam down for bed but he wasn't going to have it. So, I got him out of bed and we went for a drive, to the bank. Yeah, it was a hot date to the bank but Beckam was as a happy as a clown. He loves to leave the house...its weird. The drive was good for me as well.
After my return Elly wanted to play a round of Wacky 6. I wasn't in the mood but did it anyways and I'm so glad I did. It really cheered me up. Thanks Elyse for being so persistent on playing Wacky 6.

Just sayin'

Its been such good week...just sayin'

Much better today!!!!

I'm telling ya I always feel so much better after I vent and get it out.

Many people ask "is there anything we can do?"
I pretty much so "no."
Mostly because I haven't known what you can do for us. And now I've finally figured out what people can do for me. Give me referrals. I would rather get paid for something I am good at doing. We continue to be given stuff, while I'm grateful for it but it would be nice to make my own money to live off of. 
I have a business. I do photography. I love it. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to having my friends and family use me to be there photographer. I want people to make the choice of who they use. I think the reason most people don't use me is because of how much I charge and so I thought I could educate you guys a little on my pricing.
I found a photographer who charges $235 with a $50 print credit for a 16x20 (which for me costs $20 for the 16x20) She is going to bring home $215 after all is said and done. **I don't know how much time she spends for me, I will tell you below**
I will spend 2 hours on the session...prep time, shooting and driving and some time in booking.
I will take 4-5 hours in editing...adding those to times is a 6-7 hour day. How much do you make in a week or your husband...$1000 or $1500 or more? She is making $1075 and that does not include business costs that are coming out...she is making about %40 less.
I have a Google Doc (made by my awesome husband to show me how much I make or don't make).
I plugged in her numbers and it said that she had to do 20 sessions a month, that's 5 a week, she's working full time. The Doc says she will make $7.47 and hour WOW! That's not much for owning your own business and if she does less than 20 she is losing money. Sad to think especially when she is spending time away from her family. So, I say to you, you can use those photographers that is okay by me but now you know how much money they are making...its even better when they are just doing it as a hobby so its not a big deal to even pay them at all...right!?
I charge $450 a session and give about 30-60 edited images on a CD. If I give you the 30 images your paying $15 an image. You pay more than that for a print at a Target or the Kiddie Kandids. If I gave you more like 60 images your paying $7.50 an image.That's crazy when you brake it down plus, my images tell a story rather than documenting the time. How many of you are going out to eat? Once a week twice a week or maybe even 2 times a months. You could totally save that money and have memories instead of calories :)
When I go to my google doc I punch in the $450 at 10 sessions a month, part time, will pay me $37.68 an hour, now that is better for a business owner. I believe that my price is a good price but the constant feedback I get is its "outrageous" or "your probably rolling in the dough" ummmm, nope I'm pretty much not. I would like to be. I think the best way you all could help me is to tell people about me. I've had 2 referrals from my family. I kind of feel like there could be more because I have a HUGE family. But, I mostly think that the reason I'm not getting referrals from my family is because I am outrageously priced so this is why I thought of educating you. And maybe you can refer me or not.
So now you know that my price isn't outrageous and I am an AWESOME photographer...all the better to sell me.

Today...it's the truth!

This morning Isaac says.
"This is a awesome day!"
I said "Why?"
He said "Because all the stuff on the ground is like in Star Wars so glittery."
...not really sure what he was talking about...Star Wars and glitter?

That was the start of my day. It was Good!!!!

I sit here now, the house is quiet, everyone off to school and Beckam to bed. I think, what shall I do? I've wanted it just like this...Quiet. So many thoughts run thru my head. I should clean the house, work on my business, go find someone to serve, pay bills, go to the grocery store, maybe just maybe, I could go to the mall. But I don't do any of it. Instead I find something to watch...now I'm resting.
It's about 2:15 someone pulls up to the house. I look out the window only to reminded that they are here to shut off my water crap, I thought I had til the 27th. I grab the notice off of the door, it says, "if you can make payment by 3:00 we can turn your water back on. I get dressed, wake Beckam up and run to go pay my bill. I get to Pleasant Grove City and they tell me that this notice is not from them. I'm confused. They say you need to pay Cedar Hills. I then say, I've never paid a bill to Cedar Hills...soon to find out what happens when I've never paid Cedar Hills. I'm off to Cedar Hills to settle the bill, barely make it in time. The guy at the desk tells me my balance is $1,877.00. I about had a heart attack. What! Can you say that again (as I'm laughing)? I'm thinking he's telling me the wrong balance...no, he's not, that is our freaking balance we owe. Yeah, I wanted to cry. So,now its time to move on to talk to someone else about my bill.
Now, Dax and I trying to get it all figured out. It looks like my bill was going to the landlord and he just put it in the garbage or something...I don't know what he did. He was even getting notices about our shutoff. Oh, and the reason why the confusion because Cedar Hills and Pleasant Grove, in my area, haven't been able to split up until now and since I was paying my culinary water they couldn't shut me off until now.
Dax sets me up on a payment plan and says I can pay over 6 months and comes to about $260 a month, that's when I cried, not too much just small tears. Sometimes I can't hold it in. I think he felt bad and said I can make the plan for 12 months which now comes to $127 a month...doable but in our case still not so much.
2 1/2 hours later I'm home with another bill to add to the stack. I know there could be worse things to worry about. My child being sick or my husband but I don't need to go off of what could be happening but instead I'm worrying about where we will get money to pay the next bill or how I can get food on the table for dinner (mind you we have food...storage food, but its nice to eat something yummy). We've eaten a lot pasta and rice and tonight I was tired of of being creative and popped some popcorn and had some toast with butter. The kids love toast with butter.
I keep thinking that I shouldn't worry so much about it, it will all work itself out. But its been almost 3 years. The part I'm worried most about is my faith. I keep thinking why would God have this go on for so long. Its enough. I feel like I've learned a lot but it seems its not enough.
I feel like I'm living in the deep depression and everyone around me is living in some other world. Many times I wake up positive, like this morning and then I'm bombarded with, can you buy this can you pay for this...need lunch money, no gas in my car, the garage door breaks, the dish washer is broken...blah, blah, blah. So, I'd like to think I was pretty positive 2 years ago. Thinking we will make it thru this. Greg and I have had our moments fighting, frustration, and then pulling together. I'd like to say we've done a pretty good job together.
Where am I at? I'm numb. I have anxiety about how to pay for things? I HATE it.
And to get myself out of this state I've thought of SERVICE because that's what the prophets have told us to do. I'm kind of stumped on how to do that. It seems nobody needs service because everyone else is trying to find someone to serve as well...the end.

We did it!!!!!!

We read the whole Book of Mormon in 3 months.

The Bishop has challenge the ward to read the scriptures. We started after Thanksgiving and ends Jan 6th.  We've been doing some catchup as a family. Greg is done, I am close and the kids are half way thru it. I say good for them to be able to do it. We just need a few more days of listening and we will accomplish.

37 and Counting

Click on the photo so you can see it bigger.
I took on the challenge of photographing a million people (okay 37 in all) in my family. We went into the studio because its December and typically there's snow on the ground but thats not true this year. It was pretty warm today...47 degrees. To me that means I don't need to wear a coat and to Kim that means she need to be bundled up in her down coat with gloves and a hat (she's from California...those guys are wimps...he he!)
I love how this turned out. I shot every family separately cuz thats just easier and then merged all the families together.

 

Christmas

Christmas is here and we are so FREAKING excited!!!!!! We get a visit from Santa and the Tooth Fairy how cool is that?
The kids couldn't wait to get to bed, it was the first year in a long time that all the kids slept and STAYED asleep the whole night. I also told them they couldn't come upstairs til 7:30.
I remember how hard it was to wait when I was a kid.
The first present that was open was that big red one and it was birds...4 of them. They LOVED them and never even thought Santa would bring such a cool gift.

It was such a GREAT day. I love watching the kids and there excitement.
This year was extra special for me. I had a small budget and I stuck to it and by doing so I have never felt the spirit so strong to experience the JOY of Christmas.

Lights on Temple Square

Can you see Moroni in the photo below?

What a beautiful night to spend on Temple Square and it was surprisingly warm. I really hate to be cold. Its why I don't do winter sports.
I've really wanted to get some Lights at Temple Square for a fun print to hang at Christmas time. I think I got some I like.
This was so fun for me though I wish that had a few of my lenses, my babies are in the shop. Oh, and I wish tripod's where is easier to use they just get in the way.
And Suzanne thanks for taking me and teaching me some great photo skills. I love that the only tip was if you want the star effect have your fstop at a 22 and your good to go. Its all I needed to run with.

And a Big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Greg. He was so nice to let me go out on his special day.

No Snow.

I'm a bad momma. Its December and Beckam is outside without shoes...EEEK!
He actually escapes when he can but just had to take a shot to remember how warm it has been in December.

FHE

Bryn prepared and taught the leasson today. She did a WONDERFUL job. After she was done I found that she researched her lesson on the computer all by herself. She found all the symbolizms of Christmas. The candy cane, the tree, the light, the star and who should we remember at Christmas time. I am so proud of her she is one awesome girl.

Kindness of Strangers

This holiday season I have come to grips with my budget. At first I was a little upset but then my hard heart was softened.
I have now decided to take on the challenge and figure out how I could possibly make Christmas happen with $100 and 5 kids. I wrote down all that I needed to pull it off and went to the store and found everything that would work to make it GREAT. And then days later I get this with a basket full of goodies. How cool is that now I have more money to get some more gifts for the kids. I tell you what this process was so cleansing to my soul. You actually don't need much for Christmas and what I learned in this whole process was...its the spirit of it all. I can't even begin to explain to you the JOY I have felt this holiday season. I found some birds for FREE and the cage. I thought this would be a fun big gift to give. I also had some trade at a clothing store to get something for the girls.I do have to say that it is harder to find something COOL for the older kids because well, they want more expensive stuff. But Greg and I did come up with refurbishing his old laptops to give to the kids.
Anywho this Christmas Holiday Season was so enjoyable for me. I just want to shout it out to all those around me. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Lack of Perseverance

A little piece of Elyse. 

"Mom, today this kid that sits next to meet has a lack of perseverance, do you know what that means?"
No. I said ( I really did, don't let me fool you)
Elyse - "You don't know!" She explains and then tells me the boy was cheating from her and so he has a lack of perseverance. 

Nose Dive

This little guy had his first nose dive at Greg's soccer game last night. He fell off the bleacher's and didn't put his hands out to catch himself but used his nose to do the work. Poor guy.

Sheesh.

Sheesh its been a long time. Been doing a lot. Photo shoots, photo shoots and more photo shoots all the while the kids still had soccer practice because the weather was so nice...that was something I didn't plan for. Greg has been working a ton with Matt Townsend and few other companies.
Gabe has been going thru a lot with bullies at school, to standing up to them, realizing he is loved and is amazing. I set up a night for him to invite a bunch of friends to come over and play games outside and in. He had a BLAST. Since then he has felt like a million bucks and feels loved again. Since 2nd grade Gabe has told me he gets bullied and at times will cry himself to sleep. I haven't really understood it because he can play a victim role. Kids do say the meanest things and then he takes it to heart. He isn't the toughest kid because he has feelings and that for a boy, in this world is wrong. I hate that. If Gabe can keep his true self thru all these growing years he will be one amazing missionary, friend and husband. I love him to death and hurt for him so much. I hope that the Lord will continue to guide in what to do and say.
I'm not sure how Gabe will feel knowing that I put this on my blog but its my journal. Dang, I should go private. Because the next item of business is that Bryn starting her period. She is 11. 11, are you serious. She is my baby and plays pretend. It was really weird for her not knowing whats going on with her body and all the while I am trying to explain everything to her in a way that she can understand. She stayed home from school...she didn't know how to walk with a pad. It was awkward for her. I just love that girl.
What else has been going on. Ummm, Greg ran over his computer with the Tahoe and surprisingly it was fixable. He just had to replace the screen.
Isaac is doing good in school he can now sing his ABC's that made me a little worried when he couldn't do it but he's totally rocking it.
Elyse has been reading, big books like FableHaven and is now onto Arogan.
Beckam is Beckam he is just always running around. He loves to help with the dishes he gets the pots and pans out and puts them all over the kitchen.
And a little about me. I've been struggling. I don't find joy. I know the prophets talk about it all the time, that we should all find joy in our trials...weird, I know. I wish I could be happy but there is a part in my brain that really focus on the negative. That is the one character flaw that I hate about me. I've also been struggling with going to church. I don't enjoy it. This ward isn't the best ward. I keep to myself because honestly I don't want people to talk to me...I might cry. I don't like doing that. Ha! I'm struggling with my relationship with my Savior. Because while growing up I've not really had a an awesome father figure but in his defense he didn't know how to be a father when he had a crazy mom. Chasing him around the room with a butcher knife. But I'll figure it out.
Today, I was talking with a friend who has been going to therepy and she mentioned that I need to retrain my brain's thought process (duh, I already know that) but there's a chemical in the brain that actually triggers the thoughts and makes it commen for me to think half empty. So the suggestion was anytime a negative thought comes in I need to instantly change it with a positive. Duh!!! I did this about 4 years ago and it was awesome. But now with life's circumstances getting in the way it has messed with my brain again. I feel that I have a long road ahead of me but I know with small steps I can do it. For instance, today I went to the temple, it was actually a struggle to get there but I made it. While there I was feeling anxious and thinking of all the things I have to do and if they could hurry up I will be fine. I took a deep breathe said to myself RELAX you will be fine and I was. Maybe I need medication! Anyways. I'm very self conscious about being the Debie Downer but I've got to be real and then move on. Plus, you've got to share the REAL thoughts once in a while.

Little Homemaker

I gave Elly the go ahead to make Chocolate Chip Cookies all by herself....and she DID! She LOVED it. I would say I'm not sure that was a good thing because since then she has asked to make them everyday.

Beckam's First Fingerpainting

This is the text I get from Greg while at the funeral when everyone is saying how lucky I was to be without the kids.

Step 1: Remove diaper
Step 2: Poo in crib
Step 3: Quietly finger paint everywhere you can reach.
Step 4: Wait for Dad to come in and find you
Step 5: Jump up and down with excitement when dad shows up.

Oh, it's so gross, just looking at makes my face curl up because it stinks.
Greg had to bathe him twice to get it off, it was dried on him and when I got home he was cleaning it off of the crib. STINKY!!!!!!!!!!!

Funeral

Spent the day with Grandpa Lewis. His sweet wife has passed and has meet up with her eternal companion. Grandpa was having a tough day. I'm not really sure what was going on in his mind, he's a pretty quiet guy. He feared to participate in giving the prayer for he didn't want to get emotional. When he said that, it made me cry.
Isabella was a sweet lady. They had been married for 20 years they both met up when they had lost their eternal companions pretty close together. They dated and soon got married in the Hawaii temple for time. They both enjoyed traveling together on cruises they even went to New York. They also spent a lot of time serving in the temple together. Gonna miss her and I hope Grandpa keeps going...for my selfish reasons. I love to have him here.